Week 5 Conflict Resolution

CONFLICT RESOLUTION:

The conflict that I chose to look into is that with my youngest son’s new physician.  I understand that Owen’s medical history is a lot to understand; however, I feel that as a physician it is initially your job to listen to the medical history.  Last week we met with a new specialist for Owen’s brain issues and abnormalities.  He had the paperwork from Owen’s recent ophthalmology appointment to check the pressure in his brain and the orthopedic surgeon report.  The physician stated that Owen is a “toe walker” based on the report.  However, Owen was not currently walking on his toes.  He has leg braces that we utilize when needed.  However, we do not use them every day to help him strengthen his muscles.  Based on the paperwork and not looking at Owen, he suggested that we put him in leg braces all day and increase aquatic therapy.   I knew that this was wrong for multiple reasons.  One: I AM HIS MOTHER and I SPEND ALMOST EVERY SINGLE MINUTE WITH HIM!  I get so annoyed when some of the specialists try to tell me something that I do not agree with based on a 15 minute appointment.  After he stated that I asked him to watch Owen walk.  Owen is a toe-walker when he is tired; however, he is doing great and was walking steadily without braces and not on his toes.  During this conflict, I had to realize that I needed to also listen.  I needed to let him do his job, ask questions, and listen to his response as long as my child’s needs are being appropriately met.  I needed to realize that I was not really annoyed with the physician directly.  He was reading a recommendation by another physician.  Sometimes I need to listen before shutting down my listening skills because I am so annoyed and planning my response.  I NEED TO BE AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER and this might begin with my initial attitude.  If I enter the discussion annoyed then the climate shifts to defensive or uncertain.  This can impact the success of the conflict resolution. 

The material on the NVC website was very interesting to me.  When I read the information on the website, I thought about how I could apply the information in my own life. 

NVC skills that I would like to learn more about and apply to my own life are:

·         “Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;

·         Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;

·         Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and,

·         Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving).” (NVC, n.d.)

I think that one thing that I would like to try to do is create a supportive climate.  I often get defensive when it involves my children and their needs.  I want what is best for them.  However, I need to realize that this is not as productive and will most likely not solve the conflict.  I hope to learn to listen, clarify, and then respond before judging and becoming defensive.  By doing this I can help create a supportive climate in which people work together to meet the needs of my children. 

I chose these photos because ALL OF MY CHILDREN HAVE GOT THE TOILET SEAT STUCK ON THEIR HEAD!!!!  I wish that they would have listened and observed the first time...but they decided to all get it stuck at seperate times.  At least they make cute (and disturbing) photos for me to put on the bathroom wall!

References: The Center for Nonviolent Communication @ http://www.cnvc.org/