Reflection Week 8

This course has provided me with a plethora of new ideas and skills. It was apparent to me this morning when I took my son, Owen, to Riley Children's Hospital. That hospital is filled with families with diverse medical, cultural, educational backgrounds. I sat back and observed families and staff interacting. My son had a MRI again last week and we were referred to a neurosurgeon for brain surgery. Communcation is so important as well as effective collaboration. Skills that I may not have noticed prior to this course. Best wishes to you all and please think of my son over the next few weeks...thanks!

Blog Week 6

Adjourning…What makes it difficult? 

I have been a part of many groups.  Last year I participated in a Christ Renew His Parish group from my church.  After the initial weekend retreat, we met weekly to discuss topics related to our faith journey.  It was a very valuable experience for me.  I cherished it.

The aspect of the group that made it hardest to say good-bye was that I enjoyed learning about my faith from experiences of others.  For our group, we had one assignment.  We had to pray and organize (and put on) a retreat weekend for the next group of women.  We learned a lot about each other during this time.  As our closing ritual, we prayed for our upcoming week.  We prayed for the women in the next group.  It helped me set goals for myself in terms of my faith journey.  I would not necessarily say that the group of 12 women was high-performing in terms of a job; however, I hope that we made an impact on each other and the women that we presented for.  One aspect that did annoy me about our closing time was that it was usually late.  The group could have benefited from a schedule and a person in charge of keeping the group on track.  At the end of the six month faith journey, we presented our weekend and met many new women.  However, it was quite sad because we knew that we would no longer see each other every Monday evening.  We created a group on Facebook (which we all had a site) and kept in touch that way.  We also meet every three months for a social gathering at a Tour the World dinner.  For this social dinner, we pick different restaurants around the city with diverse food (Thai, Japanese, Mexican, Brazilian, Greek, etc).  It is always a very fun night! 

Why is adjourning an essential stage of teamwork? For some groups, the closeness of the group can make it difficult to adjourn.  However, celebrating our accomplishments by gathering together can lead us in new paths.  For example, I met a lady from my church that also lost an infant child and has a child with special needs.  She cannot drive due to visual impairment, so she asked me if I could drive her to a monthly meeting for mothers of children with special needs.  This is a friendship that I deeply cherish.  I feel that by meeting this wonderful lady at one group, we have a bond and now we are close friends. 

I love meeting new people and communicating with wonderful people!  During my master’s degree program, I have “virtually met” many intelligent people.  I hope that we can continue to stay in contact through our blogs.  This is a personal type of communication that can inform others about our jobs or upcoming events.  It can also share our challenges and triumphs. 

Adjourning is an important part of teamwork because it can show that we cared about the group in which we participated.  It can also make us feel valuable.  By adjourning, we can open up time for other endeavors.       

These are my children's "TEAMWORK" shirts...superheros!  Gotta love them!

Week 5 Conflict Resolution

CONFLICT RESOLUTION:

The conflict that I chose to look into is that with my youngest son’s new physician.  I understand that Owen’s medical history is a lot to understand; however, I feel that as a physician it is initially your job to listen to the medical history.  Last week we met with a new specialist for Owen’s brain issues and abnormalities.  He had the paperwork from Owen’s recent ophthalmology appointment to check the pressure in his brain and the orthopedic surgeon report.  The physician stated that Owen is a “toe walker” based on the report.  However, Owen was not currently walking on his toes.  He has leg braces that we utilize when needed.  However, we do not use them every day to help him strengthen his muscles.  Based on the paperwork and not looking at Owen, he suggested that we put him in leg braces all day and increase aquatic therapy.   I knew that this was wrong for multiple reasons.  One: I AM HIS MOTHER and I SPEND ALMOST EVERY SINGLE MINUTE WITH HIM!  I get so annoyed when some of the specialists try to tell me something that I do not agree with based on a 15 minute appointment.  After he stated that I asked him to watch Owen walk.  Owen is a toe-walker when he is tired; however, he is doing great and was walking steadily without braces and not on his toes.  During this conflict, I had to realize that I needed to also listen.  I needed to let him do his job, ask questions, and listen to his response as long as my child’s needs are being appropriately met.  I needed to realize that I was not really annoyed with the physician directly.  He was reading a recommendation by another physician.  Sometimes I need to listen before shutting down my listening skills because I am so annoyed and planning my response.  I NEED TO BE AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER and this might begin with my initial attitude.  If I enter the discussion annoyed then the climate shifts to defensive or uncertain.  This can impact the success of the conflict resolution. 

The material on the NVC website was very interesting to me.  When I read the information on the website, I thought about how I could apply the information in my own life. 

NVC skills that I would like to learn more about and apply to my own life are:

·         “Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;

·         Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;

·         Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and,

·         Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving).” (NVC, n.d.)

I think that one thing that I would like to try to do is create a supportive climate.  I often get defensive when it involves my children and their needs.  I want what is best for them.  However, I need to realize that this is not as productive and will most likely not solve the conflict.  I hope to learn to listen, clarify, and then respond before judging and becoming defensive.  By doing this I can help create a supportive climate in which people work together to meet the needs of my children. 

I chose these photos because ALL OF MY CHILDREN HAVE GOT THE TOILET SEAT STUCK ON THEIR HEAD!!!!  I wish that they would have listened and observed the first time...but they decided to all get it stuck at seperate times.  At least they make cute (and disturbing) photos for me to put on the bathroom wall!

References: The Center for Nonviolent Communication @ http://www.cnvc.org/

Communication Goals

According to the assessments this week, my husband (Brian), my friend (Paula), and I assessed my communication anxiety levels, verbal aggressiveness, and listening styles. 

(My husband, Brian, and I at a soccer game!)

The area of communication anxiety had diverse answers.  My husband grouped me in the low category.  He stated that I was confident and comfortable.  He also said that I act comfortable in a variety of situations.  My friend, Paula, placed me in the mild category.  She stated that I appear as though little rattles me, but she knows from conversations that I get annoyed when interacting with some people that say rude comments about people with special needs or make racial comments.  I placed myself in the moderate category.  This stated that I have situational anxiety.  I would say that this assessment was correct.  I feel comfortable speaking to others in most situations; however, I feel uptight when discussing hot topics for me (such as special education or racial issues).  It annoys me when others make rude comments about people with disabilities or are racist.  I often state that I disagree and tell them why.  However, I have to make an effort to stay in control and not to stoop to their ignorant level by yelling.  My verbal aggressiveness scores were moderate and low.  I have to make an effort to remain calm in these situations. 

My communication goals were: to know my audience, choose the appropriate communication channel, and demonstrate receptive body language. 

Hopefully by improving these skills, I will become an effective communicator. 

Think about the cultural diversity you see in your colleagues at school, in your neighborhood, in your workplace, and also, possibly, within your family. Consider all the aspects that make up culture, including race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, varying abilities, and so on.

My family is very diverse.  Within my family we are blessed to have differing religions, races, political affiliations, sexual orientations, and varying abilities.  My family is very honest with each other.  I think that it is important to treat others with respect.  For example, I like to learn about other cultures.  My professional background is in special education.  I also have a child with special needs.  I have noticed that many people treat him very differently.  He has white matter loss in his brain, developmental delay, speech issues, and has a slower processing speed.  However, when some people talk to him they speak very loudly and slowly to him.  His hearing is fine.  However, personally I have noticed that I use more hand gestures with him and we use many signs.  He responds well with multiple forms of communication.  I also used signs and varying forms of communication while teaching special education as well. 

As for other forms of differences, I try to be open-minded and accepting.  I respect the differences in others.  I think that it is important as a teacher, to learn about personal families and not base your judgement on a generalizations.  For example, I have two brother-in-laws.  One is African-American and one is Caucasian.  When people see a photo of Stan (my sister's husband; he is African-American), they ask if we get along.  I love Stan.  He is an awesome brother-in-law, father to my niece and nephews, husband to my sister, and person.  He watched my oldest son while I taught the first year after he was born.  Not many men would do that.  He is great with my kids.  However, I have never been asked if I get along with my husband's brother (who is Caucasian). 

I do think that I communicate differently when I speak to adults versus children.  I am much more quiet when talking with adults.  I tend to not speak as openly with adults.  I enjoy working with kids and like to listen to them, help them gain skills, and gain life experiences.    I also enjoy working with older individuals.  I like to learn from them.  However, I have noticed that I often use signs with them too.  I am not sure why, but I think is is a subconscious gesture. 

I enjoy differences!  My oldest son, Noah, began to like the band KISS from watching Scooby-Doo.  Noah loves music.  My husband and I only knew the populat songs by that band, but Noah wanted to go to a concert.  We took him to the State Fair (a kid friendly venue) to see KISS.  I would say that I misjudged the other concert-goers.  It made me realize that just because you listen to a certain type of music does not mean much about your personality or home life! 

• Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?
• If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

Communication (Week 2) TV Show!

For this assignment, we had to record a television show that we normally do not watch and watch it without the sound.  We had to use other methods to determine the situational context and their expressions to gather information.  Since my kids are little, I normally do not watch any shows except on Nick Jr. or the Disney channel.  We also watch a lot of Disney or superhero themed shows.  When I do a have few minutes to myself I actually prefer to not have any sound to give my ears a break from the constand sound! 

For the assignment, I chose to watch PTI (Pardon the Interruption) with my husband  on ESPN2.  This show had two commentators that were discussing several events that occured in sports that week.  Without the sound, I thought that the two mean were fighting about a specific play involving Blake Griffin.  There were words on the right hand side that stated what the men were apparently supposed to be discussing.  They showed a clip of Blake Griffin being hit in the head while playing.  One of the men used vivid hand gestures and shook his hand in the emblem stating "no".  The other gentleman shook his head in agreement.  I assumed that they were talking about the foul that occured in which Blake Griffin was awarded two shots.  I thought that they were talking about how the foul was bad.  The second man looked annoyed at the clip.  His brows were furrowed. 

However, when I listened to the same conversation with the sound on, I noticiced that they were discussing Blake Griffin's "flopping" habit and how it is not good acting.  The first man stated that he did think that Blake was fouled but he over reacted.  The other man disagreed with the man and sad that Blake is a constant "flopper".  Obviously, I do not watch a ton of professional basketball so I did not know a lot about the situation. 

I think that if I had been watching a show that I knew well like iCarly (since my son loves it), I would have been able to read their expressions better.  I am familiar with thier body movements and facial expressions.  This familiarity makes it easier to read people more accurately.   

 

The reasons why I do not watch television much!  I love it!  They are my entertainment!

I also watched a show that I hear a lot about that I have never watched.  It had two women and a small child.  They were walking in a big city.  They were walking in close proximety.  They seemed to not be communicating.  One of the women was texting on her phone while the other one was talking to her.  They did not appear to interact with the child.  The next scene showed the women talking to a man.  The man appeared to be asking questions.  One of the women had her arms crossed and appeared annoyed.  The other woman began to cry.  The woman who was not crying did not pat the girl on the leg or offer any type of empathetic gesture.  The man continued to talk.  In the next scene, the woman who was crying entered an apartment.  A man was there.  She laid on the bed by him but they did not hug or kiss.  They appeared to argue and she left the room.  She went into a large closet type room and the other woman entered.  She appeared to be asking the crying woman some questions, but again offered no signs of comfort.  Then the show was over!  I have to admit that I was a bit releaved. 

The show was Kourtney and Kim Take New York.  

In the show, they did not really interact with the baby.  Kourtney held him, but they did not really talk to him.  They met with a medium.  He was asking questions and telling them about social interactions and things he "sees".  Kim begins to cry about the loss of her father and her divorce.  Her sister does not really comfort her at all.  When they arrive at the apartment, Kim sees her husband. You can tell that she does not want to be with him at that point.  She had her arms crossed and rolled her eyes.  She left the room and cried in another room.  Kourtney entered and asked her why she was crying.  Kim explained that there were problems with her marriage. 

I have to admit that I do not like reality television.  A lot of times the behavior annoys me.  A lot of my friends watch reality television and enjoy it. However, it is not for me.  My life does not resemble this at all.  Interesting experience! 

Communication 6165

Blog Week 1 6165

For your blog this week, think of someone (e.g., family member, celebrity, politician, friend, or professor) who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context. What behaviors does this person exhibit that make him or her effective? Would you want to model some of your own communication behaviors after this person? Why or why not?

My Dad and my uncle, Roger. 

On Tuesday of this week, we had the funeral visitation for my uncle.  Since he was a loved individual and was very young, the funeral home was packed with people.  The death of a loved one often makes people uncomfortable and they do not know what to say to the grieving family.  During this time, I listened to my father “chat” with people and make comforting remarks to people.  He is very much aware of the feelings of others and can “read” people well.  He makes good eye contact, is an active listener, and is very honest.  My father is very knowledgeable about numerous topics and people often look to him to advice.  I would definitely wish to model my own communication behaviors after my father.  He relates well to people, is comforting, and he makes people feel that what they have to say is interesting and important to him.  I love talking to my Dad! 

*On a side note, my oldest son had a hard time watching my parents and grandpa cry at the funeral.  I talked to him about why they were sad and I thought that he understood.  At the funeral, he gave my Aunt a hug and told her, “I am sorry for your sad times, but I hear Heaven is a beautiful place”.  I also admire the honesty and youthful approach that my son takes when talking to others.  He is a good boy!